Beginning a post about faith in written form seems like entering a conversation blind and halfway started. I have no idea where anyone else is coming from and what words are familiar/strange, painful/comforting. So I deeply appreciate the chance you take here to read these words.

I believe in God and I believe that God loves you and me. I see God’s protection over my life and I see the devastation of loss too. When our son died, my faith was changed forever. When I asked myself if I still believed in Jesus, my heart said “Where else would I go? This is the words of eternal life. This is God.” (the verses of John 6:68 when Jesus is beginning to be abandoned by followers.) It doesn’t mean that it is always easy for me to trust God, but that faith is “confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1). Just like I believe love is a choice in marriage and commitment, faith and trust in God is a choice too.

Do you believe in God, do you believe in an afterlife, do you believe you have a soul, do you think Jesus was actually real… those are all the questions that I have asked myself along this journey of faith. And my conclusions were Yes, I do. And so because of that, I try to live my life in honor of God.

When I first started writing publicly, I didn’t really want to include references to God because I thought it would be too divisive and complicated and crowded anyway. And it probably was and is true. But I can’t separate my faith from my perspective on grieving, adoption, race, parenting, etc., because my relationship with God is integral on all those aspects that I struggle with and because God actually cares about what hurts us. I hope in sharing my faith and how it impacts my experiences, that it is an encouragement to anyone who reads it.